What Are You Looking At?

By Ali Carbone

“I always saw my family’s situation as a strength—was grateful for it even. Like I wouldn’t be me without them; and I wouldn’t be. I thought I survived, unscathed, growing up in our home. Like yeah, my house was crazy, but I thought that made me stronger. Like our family’s dynamic gave me some type of advantage. Until I left.”

This is a story about digging—almost too deep—to dig yourself out. When you’re left with no coping skills and a sense of emptiness that takes over your entire perspective. It’s about finding who you really are, when you’re left with no identity outside of the trauma you’ve always known. 

From out-in-public fights over the ignorant stares, to every dramatic breakup; the drugs turned into distractions, finding real support, and putting in the effort it takes to heal, What Are You Looking At? is a story about taking the steps to rewire your brain, and trying to find freedom from feeling left behind.

“Ali's words, at times beyond raw and powerfully real, peel back all the layers of complexity in growing up with so much of your identity defined by your circumstances. She brings you along on every twist and turn of her journey through life with three autistic brothers as if you are right alongside her. What Are You Looking At? is a story that will reach parts of your soul you didn't even know could be reached.”

— Ilana Weinstein, Author of When I Became Light